@Letitia_Potorac brought my attention to this great ‘two cats hugging’ illusion….

So, time for a poll. Imagine that animals could fire guns. In general, would you trust a cat or a dog with a gun? Vote now and let’s nail this pressing issue once and for all.

48 comments

  1. The POLL doesn’t have the third (and I suspect the most popular) answer, and therefore is invalid. The answer to which I am referring is “No!” (or “Neither”).

    As for the POLE, if you put it across/between two chairs, the cat is likely to try to walk along it! (The dog would walk underneath it.)

    1. Note: The reference to POLE and POLL may now seem irrelevant, as Richard has now corrected his mis-spelling where he had originally put “pole” but meant to put “poll”.

    1. The cat likely to shoot birds for food and get lazy (after the owner is shot dead because cats don’t like people). A dog I imagine would look after the gun and be far more caring as to who and why something/one would get shot. It wouldn’t turn on the owner. A healthier choice. I prefer dogs.

  2. As much as it pains me to vote cat, I just know the dog would impulsively reach for whatever weapon it could get its paws on in the rage of someone knocking on or posting something through the door. I’m sure they’d go onto to regret the daily bloodbaths, but no amount of therapy would be able to stop them…

    1. I was thinking of a reply, but I can’t beat this one 🙂

      However, I would trust a cat to be more precise with a gun, I’d expect a cat to be meaner. So a dog would likely shoot you by mistake, a cat would just kill you on purpose. I do not know what is more dangerous…

    2. Oh I think the dog would behave more like a sniper. Thinking of Tom (Tom & Jerry) here. Tom is a violent numpty.

    3. I was thinking the exact same thing! A cat would be a methodical, patient sniper, (selecting targets by its own reasoning), while a dog would act more like a cowboy (from the old shoot ’em up movies) every time the delivery truck “threatened the house” by driving past.

  3. You know where you stand with a cat. If you treat it with respect it’ll only kill you if it needs to. Dogs crave masters, and if you aren’t interested in that kind of relationship then it will follow someone else’s orders, any random crazy person with a control fetish.

  4. It is my contention that cats are psychopaths. No way would I trust a cat with a gun. Look at the traits of a cat: manipulative, devious – and when you see them with a mouse or bird they’ve just caught – no compassion, no empathy, no emotion. I’m telling you, they are psychopaths. All cats should be called ‘Dexter’.

    1. Psychopaths or Nietzschean Ubermensch, whichever you prefer. And that’s exactly why I trust them: not beholden to any gods, you can size them up and if you know what they want you’ll always be safe with them. Dogs are like normal people: unstably emotionally involved, pliable, true-believing murderers on the whim of literally any random stranger. The only way to be safe with a dog is if you control its entire reality.

    2. I’d wager that a slaughterhouse employee isn’t brimming with compassion or empathy either. We prefer to pay others to do our ruthless killing so that we can keep up the pretense of compassion. At least the cats are honest. 😉

    3. Berber Anna,

      The difference with the slaughterhouse employees is that they would have, probably, become desensitised to the suffering and pain of animals. Feeling empathy & compassion for the animals they are slaughtering would be counter-productive to their jobs. In psychopaths, the part of the brain which regulates emotions (the amygdala) is largely inactive, resulting in the true psychopath being unable to experience emotions such as remorse, compassion or empathy. It’s not their fault, nor does it mean that they’re particularly bad people, it’s a psychological condition. It also doesn’t mean that all psychopaths are dangerous criminals. A psychopath, for instance, wouldn’t jump from the top of a wardrobe onto your head just to wake you up – a cat would! Believe me, cats and guns will never mix.

    4. Yeah, I know what sociopathy is. If we’re going to get all serious, I could also point out that it’s counterproductive for a predator to feel empathy for its prey (wouldn’t get to eat much if you kept bewailing your food supply). Cats obviously do feel some form of empathy for those they consider family (my childhood cat considered me her baby, and would lick my face if I was crying and bat at me to discipline me if I did something she considered dangerous), but they’re not a social species. They’re semi-social, meaning that in large populations they do display social behaviour, but they’re naturally solitary. Kind of like orang-utans. So obviously, they’re not going to show the social niceties of a species like humanity, which evolved to live in fairly large groups.

  5. Cats, dogs? Pffft!

    It’s the squirrels you have to watch out for… those hairy, overgrown rats are nuts!

  6. I can see a dog going proper postal, up in a clock tower shooting everyone. I’m not sure you’d get that with a cat.

  7. Dog. Although I prefer cats as companions, dogs are a massively social species. Pack animals. Meaning they’ll take orders. As guns are only to be used by people who take orders anyway (army and law enforcement), one would want to give the gun and the presumed position that comes with it to the animal that will take orders. Cats would go rogue. That’s why I like them better. 😛

  8. Based on my experiences of dogs there wouldn’t be a postman or neighbour left on our street.

    Dog: Sorry, he was walking past and I thought he was a burglar, so I went to the window and shot him. I’m sorry, I won’t do it next time. Can I have a biscuit?

  9. Cats will probably enslave the world.

    On the other hand, cats will not tolerate any other cats with a gun so there will probably remain just a single cat…

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