Clown caption contest….


I am giving a talk today at 6.30 at Foyles in London today (details here) – would be lovely to see you.

Time for a caption contest……

Any ideas? Feel free to post you captions and comment on others…..


112 comments on “Clown caption contest….

  1. davien says:

    Ralph knew being a Clown for kids’ parties would be a crappy job…

    After a long birthday cake only diet, Ralph lamented the one-ply in the amusement park restrooms…

  2. Phil Kent says:

    1/ You think my feet are big?

    2/ *HONK*

    3/ Pull my finger

    4/ How many small clowns can you fit in a ….

    5/ The curtains match the carpets

    6/ BOING!!!!

    7/ Off to powder my nose…

    8/ Soooo bright, until there is a “brown out”

  3. Aaron says:

    “My colon is feeling funny.”

  4. Richard Ogley says:

    After 30 years, wikileaks finally reveal Elvis’s last moments.

  5. Mike says:

    Feet done, now to pass the bra.

  6. Pete Kyriacou says:

    Damien Hirst returns to sculpture.

  7. If Richard Wiseman doesn’t stop with these damn caption contests, I’ll never let him out.

  8. Mike says:

    Sorry should be: Feet done now to pad the bra.

  9. I sure miss telephone booths.

  10. Jamie says:

    “Strange. The fortune on this ancient scroll states that life might be more difficult than I originally anticipated…”

  11. perrystock says:

    Eureka! I’ve just thought of how to solve the UK economy crisis, not bad for a clown having a dump!

  12. Arumoldew says:

    The laughing stopped the instant Jeff realised he’d forgotten to pull his tights down…

  13. anaglyph says:

    It sure is reverberant in here.

  14. Jesse says:

    “How about a nice giraffe this time?”

    • Ian Reeve says:

      Wanted to enter my own suggestion, but there’s no way I’ll beat this one. You win!

  15. Bren says:

    The last resort- if the clown costume doesn’t get the laughs then toilet humor certainly would

  16. RedEaredRabbit says:

    Oi! Shut the door! Can’t you see I am doing a poo?

  17. Paul Pearson says:

    1) Tonight, Bolo the Clown bombed on stage and in the toilet.

    2) “For my next magic trick, watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass.”

    3) Originally found with a black bar across the eyes, this famous uncleaver clown was voted “NOT” on the “Hot or Not” pages of a stylish fashion magazine. The editors noted the Gaudy nature of mixing not only florals and high-contrast patterns, but the stripes, paisley suspenders, yellow patterned pajama bottoms and oversized shoes did nothing to tie in the faux Rastafarian jester’s hat. Sorry, Whitney Houston, maybe your next job will get you back in the “Hot” category.

  18. david says:

    That’s some funny shit!

  19. significance says:

    Only a clown would hang the toilet paper that way up.

  20. John says:

    Well it beats a clownostomy bag

  21. AMWhy says:

    No kids, that’s not where SpongeBob Squarepants came from.

  22. David Rowyn says:

    Not all the Wiseman brothers went to University.


  23. Matt Parker says:

    It took some preparation, but no-one was going to see this surprise bunch of flowers coming.

  24. Andrew Böber says:

    I thought Darren Brown had chosen me to expose the fraud behind faith healers!

  25. Andrew Böber says:

    “I’m not entirely sure if this really is fufilling the Trickster archetype”

  26. Andrew Böber says:

    Little did Richard expect – Exploding Toilet Paper

  27. James says:

    “I wonder if this is strong enough to hang myself…”

  28. majikthijs says:

    Well I’m pretty sure I won’t be wearing the same outfit as the bride today!

  29. Dick Hetherington says:

    After years of intense practice, Coco the Clown was relieved that his ability to produce a roll of toilet paper from up his sleeve could get him out of a potentially embarrassing situation.

  30. Stephen Moore says:

    Budget cuts force change to ‘never-ending handkerchief’ gag.

  31. Dick Hetherington says:

    On reflection, Coco began to wonder if the divine-mission-from-God messenger who visited hadn’t sounded a bit like his mate, Dave.

  32. Andrex start having doubts about appointing a new advertising agency.

  33. Jason says:

    At London fashion week, leading designer Coco Chanel-Ferry finds sudden inspiration for his next collection in the most unlikely of materials..

  34. GuruBob says:

    “What? Wait, where’s the next clue!?” – Johnathan the clown has been had.

  35. vitamentis says:

    Time to wipe my bum.

  36. Sibex says:

    Smokey Robinson releases his much anticipated follow-up single – “The Smears of a Clown”

  37. Chrissie Morrison says:

    “Yes” Mr Cameron, “No” Mr Cameron… This time, Nick thought, he had gone too far.

  38. Lazy T says:

    Stare at the red spot for 20 seconds then look at a blank wall…

  39. Martin Smith says:

    What happens after years of continuous consumption of cotton candy? Here you see yet another tragic sufferer of cotton colon.

  40. Jacqueline says:

    Sodding government training schemes, I’m saving this one for a certain letterbox.

  41. Harvey James says:

    ‘I thought it was only the car doors that fell off’…?

  42. Phil says:

    Stole it from someone… You should recognise it. Editted for obvious reasons. No offense intended.

    You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f@*&ed up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to f@*&in’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

  43. Jacqueline says:

    I can see Jesus’s face in this toilet paper, how appropriate for my Holy arse.

  44. Jacqueline says:

    I didn’t go to bed looking like this. I blame Derren Brown.

  45. Scott says:

    Andrew Wakefield takes a break from talking crap.

  46. Jacqueline says:

    I make all my own accessories, including the painted poo, twigs & toilet paper wig.

  47. Rick says:

    What? Just plain toilet paper? How depressing!

  48. Jacqueline says:

    Never again for a Stephen King audition, I’ll try McDonalds next time.

  49. The Skeptical Magician says:

    If it’s yellow – let it mellow. If it’s clown – flush it down.

  50. TS says:

    Bloody diarrhoea If it wasn’t for my big shoes, I would have had to leave in the middle of the act.

  51. BJR says:

    First a squirt, then he wows the audience by producing something large from a small space.

  52. Ryan says:

    He was sure he had written the answers on this roll of toilet paper.

  53. “Hmm, might need another roll. Really wished I pulled my trousers down before going”

  54. Berhard says:

    Clowns: sad

    Spongebob-Squarepants-Pants… : even sadder

    Considering Clowns as part of Humor: saddest

    Seeing this picute and instantaneoulsy knowing why i don’t like Clowns: priceless

  55. Danny says:

    Like Mr. Toosies, every clown can crap the colors of the rainbow. Unlike Mr. Toosies, however, not every clown then places said crap atop their head.

  56. Danny says:

    …And they say John Wayne Gacy exhibited no warning signs.

  57. LincsDave says:

    Hurry up in there, Harry. We can’t start this damn wedding without the Best Man.

  58. Lakritze says:

    »Would you mind closing the door? I’m trying to read the paper here.«

  59. Martin says:

    Oh god, these aren’t my tights!

  60. B says:

    “What’s right with this picture?’

  61. Vern says:

    Bozo’s toilet humour had them rolling in the stalls.

  62. Joe says:

    This never ending tissue paper trick isn’t what it used to be

  63. erikthebassist says:

    “Please don’t let this whole damn roll get stuck to the bottom of my shoe”

  64. if ronaldmcdonald makes me eat any more of them bloody burgers……………

  65. AMWhy says:

    Suddenly, psychologists had a fool proof answer for why children grow up afraid of clowns.

  66. Luis says:

    Albert Einstein always refused to answer any questions about what he was doing when he came up with E=mc^2.

  67. S. Oliver says:

    Although he later regretted it, Sparkles the clown, finally determined how many toy cars fit inside a clown.

  68. Anonymous says:

    “I don’t like this toilet paper, it feels funny.”

  69. Dave Thomson says:

    You look a bit potty

  70. Ross says:

    Brian Clowen in the shithouse again!….reference to ireland’s ex Taoiseach (splitting image)

  71. Anonymous says:

    The ‘tears’ of a clown.

  72. Ross says:

    Albert the clown: The day I retired

    ” Here little girl pull my finger………….whoops!…..back ina minute “

  73. Shwim says:

    “If you think my costume is colourful, wait ’till you see what comes out.”

  74. If my stomach doesn’t settle down, they’ll have to get another clown for the Royal Wedding.

  75. SteveG says:

    Quit clowning around and finish the paperwork

  76. Magic Iain says:

    Coco was disappointed with the official Royal Wedding staff facilities.

  77. Gordon says:

    “A little song; a little dance; and little doo-doo in the pants.” — Chuckles the Clown.

  78. JLiger99 says:

    Senator Larry Craig back in Minnesota today…

  79. Tom Green says:

    Having just been chased out of Megabowl by aggressive bohemians Bozo hides in the loo.

  80. Hilary says:

    Every time Bozo donned his clown suit, he became the life of the potty.

  81. Ryan says:

    Something in here sure smells funny.

    (I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t resist)

  82. fluffy says:

    Yeah, I thought those clams tasted a bit funny…

  83. Paul says:

    Tracey Emin’s latest work has attracted mixed reviews.

  84. Krebiozen says:

    Clarence vowed that the next person to ask if his stomach was funny ha-ha or funny peculiar would instantly regret it.

  85. Anonymous says:

    The novelty bog brush was simply that and was not intended to do a good job

  86. Ross says:

    Lada Gaga just pucked all over me 😦

  87. Bryn says:

    Pull my finger!

  88. Rev. Dr. Pete Kieffer says:


  89. Rhys Kendall says:

    Toilet Humour

  90. Matthew says:

    I’m sure this would have been easier if I’d pulled my trousers down first…

  91. Martin Smith says:

    You see, it is the CLOWN that jumps out of the CAR. Let this be a lesson in reading the directions twice.

  92. Mt Nicolas says:

    Don’t get the wrong idea people. He’s about to wipe his tears. I guess that “I Should’ve Went To College” toilet epiphany was too much for him…

  93. Novelty toys…

    Clown caption contest…. « Richard Wiseman…

  94. Mihai barti says:

    loll :))) template

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  97. Does it smell funny in here to anyone else?

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