I am giving a talk today at 6.30 at Foyles in London today (details here) – would be lovely to see you.

Time for a caption contest……

Any ideas? Feel free to post you captions and comment on others…..


  1. Ralph knew being a Clown for kids’ parties would be a crappy job…

    After a long birthday cake only diet, Ralph lamented the one-ply in the amusement park restrooms…

  2. 1/ You think my feet are big?

    2/ *HONK*

    3/ Pull my finger

    4/ How many small clowns can you fit in a ….

    5/ The curtains match the carpets

    6/ BOING!!!!

    7/ Off to powder my nose…

    8/ Soooo bright, until there is a “brown out”

  3. “Strange. The fortune on this ancient scroll states that life might be more difficult than I originally anticipated…”

  4. 1) Tonight, Bolo the Clown bombed on stage and in the toilet.

    2) “For my next magic trick, watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass.”

    3) Originally found with a black bar across the eyes, this famous uncleaver clown was voted “NOT” on the “Hot or Not” pages of a stylish fashion magazine. The editors noted the Gaudy nature of mixing not only florals and high-contrast patterns, but the stripes, paisley suspenders, yellow patterned pajama bottoms and oversized shoes did nothing to tie in the faux Rastafarian jester’s hat. Sorry, Whitney Houston, maybe your next job will get you back in the “Hot” category.

  5. After years of intense practice, Coco the Clown was relieved that his ability to produce a roll of toilet paper from up his sleeve could get him out of a potentially embarrassing situation.

  6. On reflection, Coco began to wonder if the divine-mission-from-God messenger who visited hadn’t sounded a bit like his mate, Dave.

  7. At London fashion week, leading designer Coco Chanel-Ferry finds sudden inspiration for his next collection in the most unlikely of materials..

  8. What happens after years of continuous consumption of cotton candy? Here you see yet another tragic sufferer of cotton colon.

  9. Stole it from someone… You should recognise it. Editted for obvious reasons. No offense intended.

    You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little f@*&ed up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to f@*&in’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

  10. Clowns: sad

    Spongebob-Squarepants-Pants… : even sadder

    Considering Clowns as part of Humor: saddest

    Seeing this picute and instantaneoulsy knowing why i don’t like Clowns: priceless

  11. Like Mr. Toosies, every clown can crap the colors of the rainbow. Unlike Mr. Toosies, however, not every clown then places said crap atop their head.

  12. Albert the clown: The day I retired

    ” Here little girl pull my finger………….whoops!…..back ina minute “

  13. Clarence vowed that the next person to ask if his stomach was funny ha-ha or funny peculiar would instantly regret it.

  14. You see, it is the CLOWN that jumps out of the CAR. Let this be a lesson in reading the directions twice.

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